Connection lost

Sometimes I’ll be at work, actually working, and a message will appear on my screen, “Your connection has been lost, attempting to reconnect.”

It’s a strange feeling. Being disconnected. I lived with it for years. Assumed I would always feel that way. Got used to it, even. Always on the outside, looking in. Always adrift, alone, reaching out but never finding anything substantial to grab a hold of. Constantly seducing shadows and ghosts and memories into remembering what it was like. To feel.

Afraid, I would never feel again.

Until one day, I connected. With someone. Instantly. And it all began to unravel. Like tugging on a hanging string of a button. I was alive, not just an empty shell. And I watched the chalk outlines around my body blow away. And I stopped trying so hard to be what I was not.

Connected. A part of something, someone. No songs to be sung to make me forget. No instruments needed other than the steady beat in my head. And so I listened. As the beautiful music spread throughout the universe.

And now my biggest fear is that my connection will be lost.

Attempting to reconnect.