Friday, January 9, 2009


I know it’s all in my head. Mostly. These things I feel, or don’t feel. I know a lot of this is just imagined. Just ghosts from my past that convince me I’m not worthy. Of anyone’s attention. Of being the center of anyone’s dreams.

I lose myself sometimes, in the illusion. That things aren’t what they seem. That the words I hear are real. That growing wings might allow me to fly, rather than fall that much further.

It's really just a trade off, one bad habit replacing the next. Out of the fire only to find myself on thin ice. Righting all my dominoes only to have them fall all over again. Sometimes these moments are like smiling children in blurry photographs. So unaware of the world and how much it will take from them. Like the irony of flightless birds or fish that must come to the surface for air. Maybe it’s just the anguish of the universe. That it can never subtract. It has to keep expanding until every last one of us is alone. But until then, I think I might be safe.

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